Tuesday, January 14, 2014

guilty

There's this sense of guilt when asking for help.  You know?  Especially when you don't LOOK sick. But you have to get over it.  The pride for me is what gets in the way.  What will people think of me?  "She walked yesterday; why is she in a wheelchair today?"  "She went to that friend's house yesterday; why can't she come to mine today?" Fear of man, fear of what people will think.  Get.over.it.  I have to tell myself that all the time.  SO many people want to help.  Let.them.in.  I repeat that too.

Well, this is a half-tribute to my mom too.  I can't speak for her, but I can imagine how she might feel.  She came here to help me.  My mom - she already raised 4 kids and now she's here semi-raising my three. Sometimes I wonder if people are thinking, "Well, her mom is there to help, why would she still need help with chores or with the kids or with...."

Here's why - My mom works so so hard.  Anyone with kids will know that caring for kids is hard!  She gets them up, makes breakfast for each one, puts them in high chairs, wipes faces, drives one to therapy some days when I can't, then makes breakfast for ME, does the dishes - that's all before 8:30am, mind you - then it's interference time.

An almost 4 year old and an almost 2 year old need interference-running all the time.  And teaching.  We are teaching them to be kind, godly little ones.  We trust my mom with that.  We don't trust just anyone with that.  When I'm able, I do it, but when I'm not, she does.  And do you know how exhausting THAT can be?  Our almost-7-year-old needs godly input too.  She's not done learning.

Then it's lunch time.  Make lunches, high chairs, wiping of hands, etc.  All over again.  Picking up little girl from therapy.  Then it's bliss time - adult lunch while kids play upstairs where we can hear them and they watch a movie.  But my mom doesn't get to rest -- she has to make MY lunch, make sure I'm not about to have a seizure, etc.  Then it's nap time.  For EVERYONE.  Well, "room time" for the kid that doesn't nap.

By the end of nap, I can see my mom is getting tired.  Then....THEN, she works.  Did you know she works?  She gets to work from home thankfully.  But she has to work part-time.  I remember the days I worked from home and raised ONE little one.  I was exhausted all the time.  But my mom does it somehow with three kiddos who aren't even her own.

Matt makes dinner when he gets home and while my mom works, but if she can, she runs more interference during the "witching hour" at our house -- that hour and a half before dinner when every kid becomes a little Tasmanian devil.  At bedtime, she even will take a break from her work (that sometimes is not a good idea to break from) to help put the kids to bed so that she can help her son-in-law.  She is so sacrificial.

Somewhere in all that we manage to get laundry done. It helps to have two little who know how to put laundry AWAY.  But the washing and folding is still a one person job (unless I'm having a particularly good day and can just sit on the bed or couch and fold).
(Source)

So what does that leave?  It leaves housework (which gets done when it can by...you guessed it...my mom), lawn work (Matt is exhausted from work, making dinners, and worrying about me/caring for me at night), and general other house stuff.

There.  There is no guilt in it.  Help is needed and we've already seen it generously pouring in.  Thank you to those who have helped.  Thank you to those who have tangibly helped and encouragingly helped, and most of all, to those of you who are PRAYING.  We don't give up on praying.  Keep it up, please!

Time to rest.

3 comments:

  1. Give your mom a very big HUG from me. I can just imagine her cheerfully going about these tasks with diligence. Each day God gives grace and strength for what's needed. When we get tired, He is our rest. One day we will all enjoy a perfect rest but until then we must look for the lessons and joys in the trials and endure. Endurance is doing a perfect work in all of you! Be encouraged dear Heather and family. Thank you for writing out these thoughts. Laurie Price

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    1. Thank you, Mrs. Price! I will give her a BIG hug. She is cheerful and diligent.

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  2. Hello Heather,

    I've been checking your blog for a few months, as I was referred by a friend who also have Lyme. After many years of misery, I was finally diagnosed with Lyme & Co. I believe I've commented on here before? Can't remember. I'm so sorry for you suffering and feel intimately linked to you through my understanding of that suffering. I referenced your blog in a recent blog post, because I felt that your words were stronger than what I could conjure up at the moment. Know that I'm praying for you and believing in your healing. I recently switched treatments for my illness--I needed a break from antibiotics and am exploring other options including far infrared heat, herbals to fight infection, and energy healing. I'm willing to try ANYTHING! I also have little ones--a boy and a girl, ages 6 and 3. My blog is at: www.bellinghamtigers.blogspot.com Many prayers sweet sister.....

    If you ever want to chat through e-mail or need someone to pray for something specific, please e-mail me at suzannetiger@hotmail.com. I know you have a loving, faithful support network, but sometimes it helps to talk with someone who gets it!

    Suzanne

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